On Wish Lists...

As the holidays approach, I've been asked to start working on a Wish List for me, Ed, and the kids. Since this is Victoria's first Christmas, and both Will and Jordan will be here for the holiday, we will all be congregating at our house to celebrate the occasion.

The truth is that we do not really have wish lists. Tangible things have lost their meaning a long time ago, and, those that do serve a purpose get budgeted for and purchased when needed. We work hard to make that possible, and, one way or another, we make it happen.

Victoria already has everything she needs as she inherited so much from Will and got a lot of hand-me-downs from my friends. As for Will, he still doesn't have a concept of Christmas as it is way too abstract for him to comprehend. So, we use Christmas as the time to research the latest developmental Autism toys that would benefit him and put money aside for camps and programs to help him grow. Jordan is 12, so that means it's all about Wii and games, but, we are going to try to make it more about learning, school themes, and family time this year.

So, that leaves me and Ed. I wrote a list of things that Ed either has mentioned in the past or the things I know he would appreciate. But, for the most part, I know that he just wants more hours in a day, more sleep and less commute.

As for me, I want more time, too. I want more time so that I can paint a painting of Will walking on a farm, or him running on the beach in Virginia Beach. My art supplies have been waiting patiently and I hope to get to them. Someday.

I want a vegetable garden, so that I can grow tomatoes, cucumbers, dill and green onions. If all is well, I am going to have a garden this spring. We have to re-arrange some stuff in the backyard to make room for it, but it's doable. I can't wait.

I wish we could all travel to Russia soon so that Ed could see my roots, Will could see the church he was christened in, and Victoria could meet her great grand parents.

I want my sister and I to be closer, physically and emotionally. I know that she's been through a tough time, some to her own fault, but, nevertheless, I worry about her and miss her dearly. I wish I could visit her in England and give her a big hug. She is my little sister, I helped raise her from day 1, and, just like me, she is trying to make her life far away from home, in a different country. It is not easy.

I wish my mom had more strength and independence to move on with her life as a single person. I wish that she stopped looking back and living in the past. I wish she realized that we cannot change the past, but we do have a shot at changing the present for a better future. I also wish that she found someone to help her with her computer so that she could see the pictures and videos of her grandchildren.

I want Will's grandparents (both Russian and American) to play a more active role in his life... It doesn't matter whether you are an ocean apart, or the Bay Bridge apart, divorced parents or married, if there's a will, there's a way.. If there is Will, there's a way.

I wish Will's ABA therapy was still an option for us. I wish his therapists would find time to continue working with him on the side... I wish there was a way that we could bring Joanna back. I wonder if Will ever thinks of her, wondering where she went or why she is not coming back.

I wish that we would find a way for Will to express himself... I wish that one day he could tell us or "tell" us what is on his mind.

Santa, can you hear me?